When my son was first born I began to research colic.  As a new parent, we all think that babies experience it when they don’t cooperate with our schedule.  In hide-sight, my baby was run-of-the mill.  He wasn’t sleeping nights, had it all mixed up with his meals and pretty much did whatever he wanted to.  I’ve seen this dozens of times since with my sisters kids and my friends kids.  Now I just see a baby doing what a baby does.

However, there are times when a high-strung nervous mom gets a-hold of a baby and exacerbates whatever discomfort baby is experiencing.  Emotional mothers can frustrate easily and so make baby even more upset.  Calm mothers (experienced mothers) will comfort and sooth baby.  It has been said that colic is a function of having a baby who lacks the skills to adapt to stimuli around him coupled with a mother who isn’t as easily able to calm him.  It’s been said that an easy-going baby is one who is let’s inconsistencies in his routine slide, while more difficult babies deal poorly with inconsistencies.  Obviously this bit of information can help mothers who’s baby’s are difficult, but only if they follow the rules.

A colic baby wants a regimented schedule with few surprises throughout the day.  They’d also rather spend time in a quite environment rather than be rocked or soothed (more stimulus).  So instead of bouncing a colic baby, giving him a squeaky toy, or turning on a mobile, remove him to a quite environment and turn the lights down.

As difficult babies graduate to toddlers, you might consider using similar techniques.  So instead of using a loud voice to interact with a toddler, use a calm voice with a clear message.  Use more non-verbal body language to show the he’s doing something inappropriate.  Calmly grab a toddlers hand to remove him from the delicate vases.  Use a stern look to show disapproval instead of raising your voice.  I think these techniques should be at the forefront of all parenting.  I think it promotes calm and respect in children instead of turning them feral.  Screeching, spanking and the like can only teach a child that these are techniques people can use to control others when they do something against our wishes.  If you think a toddler isn’t encoding these behaviours as something the too can do on others, you’re sadly mistaken.

A controlled parents can, with some practice, turn down emotions in a household to make babies and toddlers calm and respectful.  Try using fewer words, calming words and more body language to help manage your child and see how much reduced outbursts can become.

Ah, the terrible twos!  What fun.  Seriously though, they aren’t that bad if you know a few tricks – one of them is signing.  With signs and body language a toddler can be quickly calmed.  A screaming parents throwing their own tantrum and carrying on only fans the flame.  More parent screams, more toddler screams, more toddler stomping, more parent stomping.  Is there any wonder why kids become terrible, when parents are seen carrying on like little children themselves.

Instead of allowing your child to dictate your emotional state, instantly detach yourself from the situation.  Your child isn’t acting up because of you, he’s acting up because some need or want isn’t being met.  Get down to your child’s level and tell him or her to STOP (sign this) and be calm.  Don’t say anything but this for now.  Tug on your child’s hand to anchor to him – one quick, sharp, light jerk.  That’s it.  Now have your child take a few deep breaths.  Show him how it’s done.  Tell him not to get frustrated and that you want to know what’s bothering him.  Ask your child to use his words, signs or combination of the two to describe his want or need as best possible.  Hear your child out and don’t interrupt him, unless you can’t understand what he’s saying.  Mirror back what your child says in the form of a clear sentence in question form.  If your child is not as clear as you think he’s able to be then add some extra words to help him along.

In most cases you already know what your child wants, but this isn’t the point.  You want your child to practice voicing himself constructively instead of throwing tantrums or whining.  Also, just because something’s been asked of you does not mean you need to follow through with it.  If it’s inappropriate, explain why.  If you’ll do it, but later, then explain this too, and then absolutely follow through without having to be asked again.  If it’s reasonable, then go ahead and do it without much hesitation or tell your child to wait a few minutes and you’ll get right to it.

If you repeat this process early on and stay consistent your child’s tantrums will severely weaken.