Whine Reduction – Your Turn, My turn, Dadda’s Turn. ~ Chris

Posted on November 8, 2017 by chris

Does your toddler whine incessantly?  Try this technique.

Play the whine game with me next time your toddler just won’t give it up.  When your toddler whines you’ll want to play it cool.  Rather than getting frustrated sarcastically compliment your toddler for the good job they are doing at whining.  You’ll say “Good whining!  You’re doing such a good job, way to go!”

Now you’ll join your baby and say “Momma/Dadda whine too?”  Then continue for a little bit with your baby.  If this is the fist time doing it, you’re baby is going to look at you a little funny.  That’s part of the game so just go with it.  Next you want to decouple your baby’s whine from yours.  Say “Okay, now it’s just Momma/Dadda’s turn” and start whining again.  Your toddler will probably also start to whine too so after a few moments cut him off by saying “Oh, no, it’s not your turn it’s just Momma/Dadda’s turn – you wait for your turn.”

Now restart whining again and if your toddler starts to whine as well, cut him off quickly and remind him that it’s your turn, not his.  After a few tries your toddler should hopefully get the idea.  The goal is to help your toddler realize the difference between whining and not whining, not that whining is okay for anyone to do.  Now you’ll want to have your spouse or anyone else present have a turn.  So go around the room and offer them a chance, say “Okay, now it’s Dadda’s/Momma’s turn or Brother/Sister, etc.”  This is going to help your toddler to wait for his turn.  Psychologically, you are conditioning your baby to control his emotions by ‘turning the whine off’ and ‘turning the whine on’.

Play this game for as long as you can stand it and as long as you can keep your toddler to “play” by the rules.  After a while, your toddler is going to realize the difference between whining and not whining and how to control this reflects.  Keep in mind that usually whining is due to some un-met need.  It might be due to wanting something that is being withheld, not getting the attention he wants, or wanting something he just can’t wait for.  The first time I played this game was when my son was anxious to get an orange and couldn’t wait patiently for the orange to be peeled.  As my wife peeled the orange, we played the whine game and by the end of things, we all got pretty good at it.  I think the point was well made since by the time we ran the sequence enough times, the orange was peeled and ready to eat.  At some point your toddler is going to realize that whining is not the best method to getting what he wants and will grow out of it.  This technique is a good way to drowned out the whining your toddler makes without getting upset.  After all, if you can’t beat ‘em join ‘em!

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He Seems So Happy ~ Chris

Posted on November 1, 2017 by chris

We got this a lot when Holden was young and I’m not exactly sure why.  My Uncle was up one day and from about an instant in meeting him, that was his exact comment.  He was about a year-and-a-half at the time and was eating in his highchair at the time.  Hard to get any sense, but others say the same thing when they meet him.  It must have something to do with his general demeanor, he must exude something others pick up on.

Not only do other people pick up on it, but it’s true, at least I think so.  He throws very few tantrums, in fact he lost control about 3-4 times before he hit the age of two.  I just pulled him away from the crowd and we sat together quietly reading a book.  In fact, no one else really noticed he was losing his cool, but I saw that he was getting pretty worked out.  Incidentally it was probably because he hadn’t been in his bed for a few nights and was pretty busy exploring his Nan’s house.  Overall, when my son lost control it’s benign.  He’ll whine a bit before getting corrected and as quickly as he starts up, he’s over being told “no.”

I credit a lot of it to him learning to sign, also to our relaxed attitude and consistent management style.  We never allow him to part us in anyway and when either one of us sets a rule, it becomes fixed.  In case you are wondering, yes, he will still try to divide us in effort to conquer despite never having had it work.  Yeah, sometimes we’ll defer to one another, but only if one of us is too tired to resolve the situation.  I’m not saying any of this to brag, we are by no means the perfect parents.  However doing our best is the key to raising a happy kid.  Signs have also helped us in creating a structured world for all of us.  Signs have also eased our son into a world that can often seem scary and full of chaos.  We hope that you will carry on with signing as long as your baby is interested to use them as they can be a great blessing when your child is facing issues beyond words.  Please keep in mind how signing is more than just language, it’s a way to connect to others and a way to make sense of the various things about the environment as well as emotions and thoughts that come from within a child.  Keep signing and teach your baby as early as you can about what your baby is seeing, hearing, and feeling.  You’re pay-off will come with a well-adjusted baby, then toddler, child, then adult!

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Saying Good Night To Things And Other Bed Time Tips ~ Chris

Posted on October 24, 2017 by chris

I’m all about making life easier for myself and for my baby boy.  This is why I employ many strategies – at least when they help.  One of those strategies is to create predictability.  I can empathize with a baby, life is seemingly random and follows no patterns.  Trust me, this is how your baby and toddler sees the world.  Very little is up to them, they get little to no choices, life seems like a big hodgepodge.  Remember that the long term memory of a baby is quite short, so even if you carry out a somewhat repetitive schedule, it still takes a long time for your baby to finally predict what comes next.  However, even worse than this is a having no structure at all.  I can imagine that these babies feel lost and powerless, frustrated even.  I advocate strongly that you employ as rigid a structure as your baby requires.  If your baby frequently cries and frustrates easily, then you might have a touchy baby who craves structure and adjusts poorly to changes in his environment.

Thankfully, my baby isn’t picky and pretty much goes with the flow of things.  He can skip or miss a nap, we can bump his schedule around a bit, push a meal back a few minutes and everything carries on as normal.  This isn’t so for all babies, but we’re thankful it is for us.  If crankiness characterizes your baby look more into setting a rigid structure – and while it might now suite you as well you might be forced to park your needs for a while until your baby matures a little bit.

The purpose of this blog entry is to talk more about making your baby’s world predictable.  If I want to put my son to bed, besides having a fairly predictable daily routine, I also use certain keys to put him to bed.  In advanced terms this is called “mind strings.”  Mind strings are ways to “pull on the mind” in ways which lead to desirable other results.  For example, because I say “Say goodnight to the stove, say goodnight to the oven, say goodnight to your books, say goodnight to your trucks” I’m preparing my baby for sleep.  Because I say these things, he knows what’s coming next.  The words preceding his bedtime help move him into a mind-state where he’s able to relax and fall asleep.  I say these sentences with a calm voice, almost hypnotically.

Now this isn’t as “crazy as it seems.”  We aren’t complete nut-bars afterall!  When your parents “Shhh-ed” you to bed or rubbed your back, or held your chest or tucked you in, or whatever else they did, they executed the same mind-strings.  Some parents will say “It’s okay, it’s okay, shhhh, it’s okay (repeat)” when they put baby down.  This works for them – now you know why.  Baby associates your words with the next step in the sequence.

As I put my baby down for his nap, I will simply say “Goodnight, Momma and Dadda love you. Have a good sleep.  See you in a bit.”  Then I quickly exit the room, close the door and turn the light off.  If I wait too long and my son has a chance to stand up, there’s a chance he’ll come out of his “spell” and want to talk more to me and so I’ll have to restart the sequence or rub his back to calm him.  It also wasn’t always this easy, we did play around with various things before settling on this.  We found the more we stayed with him the more likely he would be to stand up or want to talk.  No doubt your child will be different than mine too, maybe yours will want to be read a book while in bed, want their hair stroked or what have you.  Just be sure whatever you do, to keep it simple and repeatable, and something that doesn’t put you out too much.  Also consider doing something that a caregiver could do in your stead.

After a while, the sequence you come up with will do all the work for you eliminating squabbles.  This is what parents need to understand about babies.  Create predictability in your baby’s life and you and your baby will be much happier!

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Making Light Work For You – Baby Sleep Habits ~ Chris

Posted on October 18, 2017 by chris

Let me warn you before reading on that I’m not a sleep expert and while you might want to experiment a little bit with some of the things that worked for me don’t take it as gospel.  If there’s anything I’ve learned is that every baby is different so something that works here, might not work there!

I studied Zoology in University.  Now you know my bias.  I speak from an evolutionary perspective because I feel that it helps me predict things.  My take on baby sleep says that 100,000 years ago, we didn’t have a nighttime source of light.  The moon and stars excepted and this was only if we didn’t have any form of roof covering blocking this from view.

Thus, I nixed any chance for a night-light in my son’s room.  I never felt that a baby should be “afraid of the dark.”  In fact, I’ve read research showing that lights in the night, even for adults, can severely disrupt sleep patterns and cycles.  So while sleeping might seem long and productive, the body doesn’t get enough deep sleep and so suffers in the long term from tiredness.  This can cause poor moods and outbursts, eating disruptions, difficulty in concentration and even poor learning.  I have heard there are some lights that do not interrupt sleep.  This being the case, why offer a light when you’ll have to bring it with you everywhere you go.  Granted sometimes it’s difficult to darken all rooms, we usually manage with a black garbage bag and some tape when on vacation or visiting family.  In case you are wondering my son happily babbles in the dark as he’s put to bed and in the early morning as the sun lightly illuminates his room.  By the way, I think overdarkening a room to the point where even daylight doesn’t make shapes known can be cruel and unusual.  I do think the light is a more gentle way to wake a baby, so there’s definitely a balance at play.  While a room should be dark enough during nighttime hours, it should be light enough during the day to see shapes and waken your baby at a reasonable time.

Thus, by stance is no night light and a darkened room.  If you suffer from poor sleep, I recommend you try this for yourself.  As an aside my neighbours side light triggered by motion set off several times each night.  Without realizing it, it was waking me up periodically.  I didn’t notice this correlation at first, but after reading an article on light and sleep, I figured it out.  It turns out the light would trigger often in the night from the movement of the trees, and other night animals moving about.  Once we darkened our room, I began feeling more rested and woke far less frequently.

I feel that night-lights have a similar affect on your baby.  Some might wake up for just a second and talk themselves back to sleep, while other might be compelled to wake up totally or even cry at the shapes in their room.  Some parents might misconstrue their baby’s poor sleep habits to a “fear of the dark” and might inadvertently add a night light only to handicap their early sleep efforts.  Remember, thousands (hundreds) of years ago we wouldn’t have had any light at night aside from a candle left on inadvertently so I don’t think having a night light is something a baby or toddler needs.  While you might not notice the connection, and while your baby might grow accustomed to the disruption, it doesn’t mean your baby might do better without it.  If you are considering removing a night-light, be warned that this change will take some effect for your baby to get used to.  Even positive changes take time to adjust to after-all.

The rule of thumb is that you shouldn’t be able to see the outline of your outstretched hand in front of your face.  Give it a try and let me know how things go!

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Language Equals Mastery ~ Chris

Posted on October 11, 2017 by chris

When you studied hard on a topic you likely spent the majority of your time learning the diction/jargon within a field.  For example, when you learned chemistry, you learned about the periodic table of elements, chemical reactions, and so forth.  Once you understood and could use the terms in chemistry as proven through a test which requested you to apply the language, you had mastered chemistry.  In fact, very little is different in baby sign language with respect to you and your toddler.  Once your toddler masters language in all facets, they will have mastered the world.  More or less of course, because at some point, someone also needs to be able to aptly apply the language too!

My introduction is cryptic, but related.  Baby signing gives your baby a good shot a mastering toddlerhood.  By learning the lingo of babyhood, your baby can build confidence.  It is mastery of a topic that leads to the building of self-esteem.  Once your baby can label the emotions; HAPPY, SAD, ANGRY, SCARED – they have an edge in controlling their reaction to such feelings.  The language helps your toddler limit outbursts.  When my son was FRUSTRATED or SCARED, he could communicate this to me.  Just by labeling his emotions, he was able to deal with them in a more constructive manner.

Your baby can also master manners too.  Your baby can learn PLEASE, THANK YOU, NO, SORRY, EXCUSE ME and can ask for MORE, say ALL DONE and on and on.  All this language helps your baby control his world.  The more control you can give to your baby, the more your baby will feel that they have mastery of their world.  This is not unlike adults who feel confidence as they build control of their lives.  On the other hand, adults who feel powerless over their lives tend to fall into resentment and then depression.  The severely depressed feel that they lack control even in their own moods.  This of course, is a far cry from what a toddler might feel, but giving your baby the power to talk is the best you can do toward helping them build confidence and take back some of the uncertainty from their lives.

As your baby learns mastery of toddler language, he’ll also learn its application.  This will lead to diminished outbursts and tantrums.  The sooner you empower your baby with language, the sooner he’ll be able to control his own self and his expectation.  While some might feel this is moving a baby into adulthood too soon, when it comes to childhood, limiting tantrums can’t come soon enough.  Should you teach your baby to sign, or if you already are, keep language as mastery in mind and see for yourself if it isn’t the case.

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