Whine Management Using Signs ~ Chris

I’m a “systems” builder by nature.  That means I like to create and devise strategies to solve problems that my life sees. I guess I saw being a Dad in the same light, so I’m constantly creating procedures to make life simpler, more efficient, and more pleasant.  One of my systems is for whine management.

Keep in mind, my statistics are purely for illustrative reasons!  Also keep in mind that this is just something I do, it’s not a poster on the wall which everyone must follow – it’s just something that works for me personally.

When my son makes a request using signs (asks for something that is optional i.e. not a need), I’ll do as he asks 70-80% of the time.  This means he asks nicely and politely.  If I’m busy, I’ll decline and give him a reasonable reason.  If I can’t, but am willing to do it later, I’ll tell him to wait.  When I’m ready to help him, I find him, ask him if he’d still like to do whatever it was he asked.  If he does, we do it.  I never hope that he’ll forget his request and never wait for him to remember what it was and come back a second time.  This strategy will help you eliminate repeated “bugging” and requesting.  He’ll soon figure out that when I’m ready, I’ll come find him so he can busy himself playing until that happens leaving me to do whatever I need to do.

Keep in mind that this is a time in a toddlers life when they need the most attention and care.  As they age, they’ll need you less and less and how you respond to them, will dictate how they’ll treat you in return.  Always try to make time for requests that are signed.  If you can’t, then at least acknowledge that you understand them by repeating back what they’ve signed out loud, and follow this with reasons for not being able to meet their request.

When a toddler starts off a request by whining, I recommend immediately stopping what you are doing and ask your toddler to “use his words/signs.”  In most cases, your toddler will – especially if you make it a routine.  For example, if my son doesn’t sign his request, it’s usually because he doesn’t have a sign for what he wants so I’ll ask him to “show me” what he wants.  If that doesn’t work, I’ll tell him to point to what he wants.  From there, if I have time I’ll teach him the sign, and then decide if what he wants is appropriate.  100% of the time my son whines, I’ll respond by making him sign his request.  If you give into whining, even sporadically, it will increase the chances that it will happen again.

If his request is “need” based, meaning that he’s hungry, thirsty, tired or something else non-optional then I’ll do it 100% of the time – sometimes with a slight delay (especially if I’m in the process of doing it anyway).  Even needs not be met instantly lest you become your toddlers slave!

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Tantrums And Emotional Outbursts And Baby Sign Language ~ Chris

Many emotional meltdowns or tantrums begin at about nine to 30 months of age.  These are commonly referred to as the “terrible twos.”  However babies who are taught to sign are reported by parents to suffer far less.  The terrible twos are a function of not being able to communicate conflicting and often complicated thoughts.  This then leads to frustration.

Baby signing works to alleviate frustration because it’s far easier to do a sign than it is to manipulate the jaw, lips, tongue, vocal cords and lungs to produce something meaningful.  This is because the larger muscles of a baby develop much sooner than the finer muscles – the ones needed to use speech.

Start working on key signs as part of your early sign language efforts even if you think your baby doesn’t need them.  With time they will become very important.  Signs such as PLEASE, THANK YOU, HELP, WAIT, SHARE, PLAY, ALL DONE, and ANGRY are a good place to start – even though advanced.  Other signs that will help with tantrums include SLEEP, EAT, WATER, MILK, etc. as they can help a baby communicate basic needs.  With time, your baby will be able to sign all these and thus help your baby talk about what they want.

Think of what your baby wants and then work on signs that will help your baby express them.  For example most babies want to be changed, picked up, play, eat and drink.  These will be critical in solving your baby’s wants and needs and so give them power to master their world.

Not all babies will have the exact same switches that will create tantrums so it’s important to start reading your baby as soon as possible and teach your baby the signs that will help them specifically.  For example, I taught my baby early on about being calm when he got frustrated.  This became a precursor for “words.”  I would say “calm” and “use your words.”  If he didn’t know the word, I would ask for the sign.  The word “calm” was the word which proceeded each interaction for solving an issue.  This nipped tantrums quickly and helped us work on solving the problem.  If the request was reasonable, then we’d both take action to fix it, if it was unreasonable, then we’d have a conversation about why it couldn’t be solved or why we’d have to wait (think waiting until after dinner for dessert, or waiting for attention because I had something else to do).

There’s no question that signing reduced tantrums in our household.  Even the grandparents comment about how effective our techniques are and how much more manageable our son was over other toddlers.

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Signing Requires A Lot Of Talking ~ Chris

Only a signing parents can fully realize the amount of talking necessary to raise a signing baby.  The sheer method is the madness.  In order to sign to a baby, a signed word must be put into context, and not just one way, but several different ways.  This is necessary in order to help your baby know which word you are talking about.  The repetition also helps your baby remember the word and the sign.

It is quite likely the reason why research has found that signing babies are more advanced than non-signing babies.  Because signing parents talk so often to their children, and not just in passing, but rather one-on-one, directly, signing babies become part of the family unit very early on.  This likely sparks a baby’s brain and starts the language wiring much earlier than the average baby.  If you sign, you can probably imagine that most parents will wait until a baby is at least 18 months old, some as late as 2 years before having active conversations with them.  This can only serve to delay their vocabulary.  The sheer involvement as an equal is what foster early communication in babies.

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Signs As Conversation Starters ~ Chris

I remember when my little boy was signing proficiently.  Around his 15-16 month mark he had achieved his 100th sign.  From a baby’s perspective, he could talk about just about anything that interested him.  His world was a tapestry of TRUCKS, BUTTERFLIES, BIRDS, PLAINES, HELICOPTERS, SQUIRRELS, TOILETS (ha), MILK, WATER, CEREAL and on and on and on!

His vocabulary allowed him to become a mater conversationalist.  He’d point out all of the things he knew about whenever he saw fit.  He’d come to us asking to see various images on the computer or in his books.  He’d intently listen for planes flying overhead of the weekly garbage truck coming for his pick-up.  It was amazing to see just how “verbal” he was.  It was never a mystery what he wanted to talk about or know about.  I’d even shown him the sign for FIRE.  We practiced blowing out candles for days.  He’d sign and motion to the cupboard where we kept the (childproof) lighter.  Together we would sign HOT, and keep our hands away.  Like every 1 and 2 year-old at their birthday party, we’d practice blowing the candles out.  I guess, I’m a unique parent, in that I want him to learn to master his world.  Knowledge about dangers that lurk are no exception.

With time, he’d bore of that and would no longer bring it up.  It was on to the next thing.  At one point he was all over OWL’s.  Oddly enough, his interest in things always seemed to peak right around the time he learned how to make the signs!  Perhaps this is why signing babies are so far advanced.  Maybe labeling objects puts them to a category or box in their minds allowing them to add more features in association.  Either way, he’d do the signs to learn more and talk more about them.  He’d find owls in his books or look for owl videos on the computer with me.  Learning the signs for things meant that my son was a valued member of the family who had an equal say in which topics were to be discussed.  He even went through a phase when he’d get upset if mom and dad talked to each other.  He’d bark out to us!

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When A 17 Month-Old Can Use Manners It Leaves You Wondering ~ Chris

My son was using THANK YOU and PLEASE at 16 months and was proficient at 17 months.  In fact, when he really wanted something, he’d use PLEASE and when he truly appreciated what he had received out came THANK YOU.  In fact, there were times when my son would sign THANK YOU repeatedly and with enthusiasm.  It was like second nature.  It really makes you wonder why 2-3 year old kids never use these magic words.

You might be tempted to think that they are complicated words, reserved for children over 5, but this couldn’t be further from the truth.  By introducing the signs through an early signing program, you can make manners second nature.  Introduce signs as part of a routine or ritual and always use manners yourself as a model of how they are used.  You can ask your toddler to do things using PLEASE and when they do say THANK YOU.  Using manners does not mean that your baby has an option to do the things you ask or not, it just means you’re not being rude about it.  If you act demanding to your toddler, I promise they will soak it up and mirror it back to you.  Whatever habits you want your toddler to have, model it yourself.

I can’t say I fully expected my son to have such good etiquette, but I’ve been pleasantly surprised.  My payoff, of course, is to see how other adults react to him.  Most adults will swear up and down that my son is unique and there baby can’t or wont do as mine does, but this isn’t so.  I’d like to take some credit in teaching him, but I’m quite confident that any baby can learn proper communication patterns.  Yes, it does require a special teacher, but it doesn’t require a special baby.  All babies can learn these skills.

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