I had a conversation in passing with an old friend some time ago about parenting.  At the time I was deep into carrying for my son who was around 1 year old.  At the time I had him every other day on my own.  I said it sure was hard work and not just because of all the things I had to do, but how I couldn’t escape to get some time to myself.  I told him how I was so used to being able to have time to myself to think and reflect and how that had all disappeared.  Like most parents I would never go back, I really did enjoy my son’s company, but the fact remained that parenting was relentless.  It never ends, it just keeps going and going.

Without even knowing it, this is probably the biggest reason parents become so overwhelmed.  I remarked how funny it was that no parents talked about this fact of life before it happened – or if they did, it wasn’t clearly stated.  People tell you about the crying and the late nights, I got that and was ready for it, but the big changes in my life came more of a surprise.  You stop wanting to go out and would rather stay in and rest, you start to give up some fun things you used to do because you’re just too exhausted.  But I still think we need to push ourselves to keep our person separate from parenting.  I know lots of mothers who get so attached to their children that they forget about their husbands.

In the end, I think we need to remember that we aren’t our children, they are them, and we are we.  While we can share in their lives, we can’t take their life over.  We also need to remember that our life and our baby’s lives will eventually separate from each other.  In other words, our relationship which seems so permanent now, is just a brief window in your child’s life.  This might seem sad to you now, but this is part of life.  Thinking about when your children leave your house is important to keep you motivated to live your own life.  So as you raise your child, be sure to raise yourself too and continue to connect with your hobbies, friends and spouse.  These are things that are part of your life!

If your baby seems put off by certain foods, don’t just stop giving them to him.  In fact, whatever’s on the menu for your family, offer to your baby once they’ve got enough teeth to deal with it.  Until then, just cut it up in small pieces – although I think you can safely skip the salad for the time being – that’s pretty much a grown up food.  Although, I have been known to pick onions and tomatoes and other selects from my salad to my baby’s delight.

If you just assume that your baby isn’t interested in a food, there will never be a chance for him to develop a taste for it.  Many times too, your baby might just need some good dinner time conversation to get all his food eaten.  Most babies start off by eating their prefers foods first and only if they’re still hungry move on to the next item.  This is why limiting particularly “bad foods” such as starchy noodles and rice is a good idea.  Your baby simply won’t be motivated to eat a balanced meal if they have other choice foods.

Play around with food presentation until you find a way that your baby and toddler will eat everything.  Give your baby some choices as to which spices they’d like on their veggies.  We routinely offer lemon spice, garlic plus butter and Cajun spice.  He likes all of them, but giving him the choice puts a bit of control in his hands.  Just like adults, kids need variety too.  I would recommend against giving a wide array of choices for meals though because you don’t want to be stuck having to make specialty foods.  In most cases, if your food is prepared to the standards of visiting guests, your child will enjoy what he’s being given.

For my own sanity – or perhaps insanity, I like to break and boil things down to the point where I can reconstruct them with a solid understanding of what makes it – it.  Parenting was a big change in my life.  I went from doing whatever I wanted to do (within reason), to having to answer to my son beforehand on all matters.  This can be shocking to new parents who are faced with having to relearn how to live their life.

Some parents meet this change with resistance and resentment, others excel and master, some covet being wanted and others just get by day-by-day.  There’s a big range when it comes to parenting style, but all parenting can be broken to one simple thing; you are your baby’s facilitator.  You aren’t much more than this.  So while you are responsible for providing your baby with love and affection, your primary duty is to do whatever your baby wants, whenever he wants it.  From changing diapers, to feedings, to sleep, to entertainment – these are what you do now.  Thankfully, since your baby is programmed to become independent (and want to ditch you some day), he’s going to grow more and more independent (if you let him).

I’ve always seen my role as a parent to send my boy off into the world to fend for himself in some productive and constructive way.  This is a sad reality for some parents but since it happens so gradually, they grow accustomed.  Some overbearing parents find out by complete surprise that their teenagers don’t want to listen to their rules any longer.  This is a teenagers way to split and become their own person.  At this time, teenagers habitually do things that seem dangerous and reckless – it’s a way to be different.

I think knowing your role helps you to understand what’s really expected of you.  As a parent you need to help your child reach things that are too high for them, procure and prepare meals, wash their clothes and dress them, teach them life skills, change their diapers, put them to bed on time, teach manners, help them sort out up from down, sit with them to read books and on and on and on.