I had a conversation in passing with an old friend some time ago about parenting. At the time I was deep into carrying for my son who was around 1 year old. At the time I had him every other day on my own. I said it sure was hard work and not just because of all the things I had to do, but how I couldn’t escape to get some time to myself. I told him how I was so used to being able to have time to myself to think and reflect and how that had all disappeared. Like most parents I would never go back, I really did enjoy my son’s company, but the fact remained that parenting was relentless. It never ends, it just keeps going and going.
Without even knowing it, this is probably the biggest reason parents become so overwhelmed. I remarked how funny it was that no parents talked about this fact of life before it happened – or if they did, it wasn’t clearly stated. People tell you about the crying and the late nights, I got that and was ready for it, but the big changes in my life came more of a surprise. You stop wanting to go out and would rather stay in and rest, you start to give up some fun things you used to do because you’re just too exhausted. But I still think we need to push ourselves to keep our person separate from parenting. I know lots of mothers who get so attached to their children that they forget about their husbands.
In the end, I think we need to remember that we aren’t our children, they are them, and we are we. While we can share in their lives, we can’t take their life over. We also need to remember that our life and our baby’s lives will eventually separate from each other. In other words, our relationship which seems so permanent now, is just a brief window in your child’s life. This might seem sad to you now, but this is part of life. Thinking about when your children leave your house is important to keep you motivated to live your own life. So as you raise your child, be sure to raise yourself too and continue to connect with your hobbies, friends and spouse. These are things that are part of your life!